مميزة

Why a blog?

I launched this blog on March 2021. And literally had to google the spelling of the month :/ and that plays into why it’s difficult for me to just open up a page and pour my soul onto it.

But first, Why a blog?

My trail on the web is easy to follow. Facebook, instagram, youtube. Simple enough, I use social media like everyone else. Activity fueled by the innate need to connect. But as time goes the platforms stop being shaped by the users and start shaping them. I wont go far into this since this post covers it :

https://wordpress.com/post/asmakitto.ca/837 )

When I tried to curate my words, art, thoughts to each website it became clear how counter productive that was. I felt even more alienated, disconnected and became a stranger.
Not only I had to fragment my self to fit the template but that also would be served in fragments, since not all of it will reach it’s audience, some parts will fall through the virtual cracks, and too bad if they were the most meaningful ones.
Do I sound like a bitter social media “nobody” ? XD

I like drawing, writing poems, short stories, in different languages. When I want to share I want all my focus to be on the creative aspect. And when I put my soul out I will not tolerate it being crammed into a mold that distorts it.
The frustration of one’s expression served like fast food, or a throw away blip is too much for me to bare. More frustrating is when it works and you are seen, but then it’s so unfulfilling it feels like theft.

This is on some ways a cop-out. And I am blessed to have this as an option. Many don’t and I can only pray for them and make them feel seen when I can.

Here the pages are boring 🙂
My words can rest, will stay still on a screen for more than 2 seconds. My words can breath and be.
and then when I feel like it I can carve out a piece to put on the menu of “bite size”-“on the go” insperation.

Here my brain doesn’t make me believe I have to dress my language and throw glitter on every color I use. There is no competition for numbers. I am satisfied with no audience.

My part is to use my gifts, share it and the universe will deliver to those who it’s meant for.

It’s a peaceful ground and that’s a requirement for me to be able to create.

مميزة

بين دروسي و دروسك

 

 

عزيزي,

قبل ان تلقنني درسا.. تعلم فنون الهجر!

تعلم كيف تصرخ صمتا,

و تعاتب حبا..

و تنفجر في صبر!

تعلم كيف تكون امامي..

رجلا, فرحه مشإع و غضبه سر.

صراخك لا يهز كياني

و قلبي لا يمتثل بأمر!

 

قبل ان تلقنني درسا,

رتب كل الاوراق

و أعد لوحة و حزمة اقلام,

و ارسم ظل قلب يحبك

يغمره السواد, و يتوشح الظلام

ثم مزقه لألف قطعة..

بألف جرح غائر لا ينام.

قبل ان تلقنني درسا..

الزم الصمت..

فدروس الحب لا تلقن بالكلام!

قبل ان تلقنني درسا في الطاعة و الولاء

اذكر … اني علمتك نسج الغزل

و لم تك تفقه شيئا في النساء!

علمتك فيما اذكر..

كيف تلقي السمع…

لعيون خرساء..

علمتك يا استاذ..

ان تضفر شعري

و تزينه بأسدال الحياء..

علمتك يا من تتذاكى..

اين الرجولة في البكاء!

علمتك في الصبر أشياء

و قد استنفذت زادي منه,

فسأغلق مدرستي بالشمع الاحمر,

و خذ مني عزيزي آخر درس…

ستتعلم اليوم كيف يكون الكبرياء.

Friendly inquiries (poem)

“Something is different about you

Something not easy to point to

Is it your perfume? the hair do?

more make up? Or maybe less!

You don’t do make up do you?

You look the same

you’re sitting more up right though

Head held high

You talk less yet say more

What is it?

It’s like you’ve grown

But when you giggle

A child comes through

The glimmer in your eyes

The sparkle in your smile

What secrets do they hide?

What’s that force behind your pride?

What happened to you?”

If only my friend knew

It’s not “what” rather “who”

Had she dared pry a little more

She would have found your shrine

Behind my gaze, within my words

There in my spine

Oh my worst kept secret

you are

the best of me

albeit you’re not even mine

نطوف

نطوف حول النجم ذاته.

لكن اختلف المداران!

على استحياء يضمان الفراغ بينهما

لكن أبدا … أبدا لا يلتقيان.

Witchcraft (poem)

Witchcraft by asmakitto

I write these spells

weave my heart strings in

try to cast you out

potions, crystals and seals

fail me,

Enchanted by you again

I unearth my demons

to see them bow at your heels

my late night seances end in prayers

my grimoires filled with poems

my altars witness

my heresy then my penance

I wasn’t looking, but found you

and have lost my ways since

could you at least say

which of my deeds warranted such sentence

for loving you or for

not recognizing what love was

from first glance.